Hangovers, car seats, and alzheimers

Todays topic is hangovers and some unpleasant places that I have ended up during a bad hungover while living in foreign countries. I first thought about writing this particular blog the other week when I was in such a state. We had gone out until about five in the morning and the next day an obvious hangover followed. That day we were planning on going to a fair in the next city that promised to be a good time but required a bus to get there. My landlady Maria Isabell offered us a free ride, but to get it we would have to go to her Aunt and Uncle´s 50 year anniversary for the day and get a ride from her cousin who lived in the city which is called Jaen. The free ride in a car was tempting but it was not departing till about ten at night and the party started at about 2 that afternoon. I had also woken up at about 1 and it was an easy decision to say no and just take the bus later. On top of that, I knew not to get involved in such a situation because it was not long ago that I found myself in a similar pickle while studying in Ecuador.

It was Super Bowl time and I managed to find a bar that was playing the game, in Spanish, but the game was on none the less. I had a few coctails during the broadcast and the next day I had a pretty solid headache. Shortly after I woke up, my host mom told me that everyone was going to the mall and that I should join. I had nothing better to do and figured that it couldn´t be that bad so I tagged along. Wrong decision. The next thing I know, I´m hungover as hell, in Baby Mundo picking out car seats with my host sister. It was the last place in the world that I wanted to be and I thought that that was easily the worst place you could possibly spend a hangover. I was wrong, very wrong. Last night I experienced something that was easily the worst, most awkward, and uncomfortable situation that I would ever want to be in while hungover.

It started on Saturday night at a birthday party for one of the other teachers. I actually had planned to go golfing the following day with one of my neighbors but that did not stop me from having a good time, and I finally tuning in around 4. Golf, which was really just a few hours at the driving range was pretty fun and when it was done I spent the rest of the day relaxing on the couch until my landlady slid a paper under my door. It was the itinerary for an ¨excursion¨. I knew there was no chance of me going on any excursions with her that day but it was dated for the following day. I skimmed it over and all I really noticed was that it started around 7, something about olive cultivation, free dinner, and a return around 10. There was some other stuff but I would figure that out the next day.

7 o´clock roles around and I get a knock on my door. It´s Marie Isabel wondering why I´m not dressed and explaining that the excursion was today, appartently the date on the paper was wrong. Althought I knew better than to get involved in this type of trip, I figured i would tough it out for three hours since I find olive farming moderately interesting. Wrong again.

We left a little after seven with her mother in the front seat. Then we went and picked up her Aunt and Uncle, this is where the horror story begins. To get to these olive trees we took a very rough road and Maria Isabell is not very smooth with a clutch so it was a bumpy ride. On top of that, three of the people in the car were above the age of 80 and either could not or simply chose not to control their farts and DAMN!!! After a very uncomfortable 20 minute ride, we arrived at her olive farm where she spent about 15 minutes explaining to me how they harvested the olives and howe they were planning on planting new ones. I found this fairly interesting but it was clearly not the main event of this trip. After another unpleasant 20 minutes in the car, we reached our destination, a freakin nursing home. This crazy lady had dragged me along to go visit some old relative who had alzheimers. Not cool at all. It´s great and all that she went to go see him but it is just not fair to bring an unsuspecting foreigner to this kind of family event. I got to spend about 45 minutes waiting for them while they visited with their old Uncle. When it was time to go, we walked the old dude down to the cafeteria where I was about ready to just leave and walk home. If I had to watch a bunch of old people who had no relation to me, spit food on themselves I was gonna hurl. Instead, Maria Isabell handed the guy over to the nurse and when he wasn´t looking she turned to me, said ¨let´s go,¨ and then hustled down the hall, explaining that he´ll get upset if he sees us leaving. I still haven´t decided if this is funny or just messed up.

After that was finally over, we left grandma and her siblings at one of their houses and went to get some food. The food was good and things seemed to be turning up except for the fact that one of her cousins owned the joint so I got to meet about everyone in the place. This was fine except for some reason she also found it necessary for me to exchange information with about 3 people that I knew I would never see again. The evening ended at about 11:30, and hour and a half later than it was supposed to.

In closing, I would like to say that if you are ever in a foreign country try to learn the language well. It really helps. Also if you are ever invited anywhere by a middle aged woman, ask her to repeat herself and make sure she talks very slowly and very clearly because you never know where you could end up.

Also, as a favor to me and to everyone else, please, never ever ever, bring someone who is not closely related or friends of the family to a nursing home when visiting someone. If they don´t know the person you are visiting they simply don´t belong and it´s gonna make them feel very uncomfortable. Thank you.